Theresa & Joe Wilbanks

Will you come with me

Wed, 3 Mar 2010 15:30:32 +0100

Two years ago we went to Frankfurt and I learned ‘wollen Sie mit mir kommen’, ‘will you come with me’. At the time, Joe said that I was going to get myself in trouble and suggested that I learn something different. A few months later, while in China, we were invited to a dinner with several of Joe’s colleagues and a customer, Niklas, from Germany. I sat next to Niklas and shared with him that I was trying to learn German and then impressed him with my one sentence. When we were leaving I told Joe that Niklas and I didn’t talk much but I did tell him about my attempt to learn German. Joe informed me that he didn’t speak English. So, what he heard was, ‘blah, blah, blah will you come with me. There is a lesson in here somewhere but rather than learn it...

a year later the only other phrase I can say well is, ‘Wollen Sie mit mir heute Abend hier blieben’. This is all Michel Thomas’ fault and he is no doubt laughing from his grave.

The French Alps

Fri, 5 Feb 2010 16:47:06 +0100

Imagine Joe bombing down the slopes, rocking out to White Stripes

and next he hears this...

I apparently had some technical difficulty while creating his playlist and mixed in some of my ESL preschool songs...

Joe experienced additional technical difficulty when he and the ski techs could not agree on the exact definition of a 90 degree angle. His precise engineer tendencies were in full alignment with his boarder tech skills and the shop guys should have conceded long before they did.

Joe did learn something... a lesson in flask placement: The hands free lift card is super unless you put your flask in the same pocket blocking the card reader from reading the card. The lift attendant was amused.

I skied 15 years ago and only for a season but I was more competent on skis after 5 days than I am after 5 years on a snowboard. I had some great snowboard instructors. The best was a girl who had three useful tips: First, listen to music while you ride. Second, have a shot before each run (I think she may have said before your first run but we hear what we want to hear) and third, make love in the mountains. (Actually, I am pretty sure she said ‘make love to the mountain’ but...) I find skiing to be more like trying to keep your imaginary virginity intact.

We LOVE our van...

We added insulation to the upper sleeping space and now we can sleep up top through the winter. We have a new, fancier porta pottie; lighter weight and more streamlined... perfect for the gearhead who has everything. And, after three years of trial and error we have finally arrived at the perfect camping van winter meals. We have collected jars of meat and vegetable mixtures that we bought in specialty shops and at local markets all over France because they had cool names like Chambord Sauté de Sanglier or Bœuf Normande. In the end it is stew, wild boar stew, beef stew, deer stew, etc. even jarred choucroute, sauerkraut and sausage from Alsace - perfect!

American football at night in the bar at the campground (the playoff games streamed to the MacBook) made it the perfect vacation!

US Trip 2009

Tue, 12 Jan 2010 16:28:54 +0100

We want to integrate ‘fully’ but if it means not bringing back a suitcase (or two) full of stuff from the US then we can accept failure.

There were a few things that we wanted to bring back with us but couldn’t: Okra, Mexican food, Margaritas, Joe’s grandmother’s biscuits, Joe’s grandmother...

Reverse culture shock set in when we couldn’t recycle our cardboard. After a few unsuccessful phone calls we wasted too much gas looking for a recycle bin and in the end, in defeat, tossed it into a dumpster. I said to Dad, ‘What kind of country do you live in?‘ He replied, ‘At least we don’t pee in public.’ He had us there. It was a quick reply, out of character actually, but at 88 he is becoming quite unruly!

The highlight of the holiday was seeing Laura. Laura and I were inseparable in our early high school years and suffered (the right word) a life changing experience that altered our friendship. We reconnected through Facebook and were able to see each other in Orlando for the first time in 20+ years. I can not put into words what it meant to see and spend time with her and saying goodbye was like having Christmas taken away...

After returning to France, one of my adult English students was overly apologetic about not completing her homework over the holiday. She offered many excuses and I was very forgiving, too forgiving. My stern, reproachful look needs work. She probably practiced her excuses over and over in English hoping to impress with her progress. That’s what I used to do and it’s homework enough. What I was thinking was, ‘No really, It’s ok. I just started learning English myself over the past two weeks and I will be a much better teacher now.’ It is true and I discovered it is actually a quite complicated language which was why explaining the difference between the present perfect and present perfect progressive seemed simple until the questions started and then the argument breaks down completely and then tears. (It is the student who should be crying not the teacher.)

While in the US, we didn’t get to see our friends and family (who are also friends) in Nashville or see my ex most-favorite boss ever and I didn’t get my Martini extra dry with three olives, so we will be back in July.

Some of what we brought back:
- bike saddles (It is obvious why there are few serious women cyclists here and it is clearly a conspiracy)
- a new MacBook Air!
- enough electronics to open a shop (France prices for electronics are 30-50% higher than US prices - French folk protest a .02 cent rise in baguette prices???
- wipes (no explanation needed)
- Starbucks instant coffee - for the camping van
- the H1N1 vaccination (our favorite)
- Joe’s new nickname - Joé, pronounced much like his childhood name Joey but with a sexy French accent. I mistakenly bought the tickets under Joe rather than Joseph... Getting it sorted was an ordeal.

Lost in the Loiret

Sun, 13 Dec 2009 11:35:14 +0100

We rode 113 km with 12 guys from Joe’s work for an annual national telethon and learned at km 103 that our efforts did not raise any money but would increase ‘spirit’; whose we are not sure. Seven guys were no shows, all coincidentally ill. Then later we learned that turnout is entirely dependent upon weather. These are the rules we need to know.

It was intimidating that no women signed up but then we discovered that two of the guys had bought their bikes that week. At 90km when one of the riders said, ‘So, it’s not your first day on a bike’ he may have been referring to my less than shiny bike.

The three people in the sweep car were the real navigators and the sole person in the lead car was... alone! Reading a map while navigating French roads is a bad plan. She told us before she started that we were going to get lost and we did, three times. The planned 110k almost turned into 150k but the last mishap worked in our favor and helped us make up most of the extra 20k we had accumulated.

It also put us in Briare.

Next year we will lend radios to the lead and sweep cars.

I went back to Briare Thursday, a prettier day, to check out the town because it looked interesting, full of canals and big boats

Lunch was provided at 80k. We and half the group had prepared our own because that is what the last memo said to do. We are never sure if the chronic miscommunication is due to our misinterpretation of the language or some rule that everything must always remain unclear so that it may be changed without justifying une grève.

Dominique

Joe

Sebastien

Yin-yang chats

Wed, 2 Dec 2009 16:27:12 +0100

We said no more cats. Then, Chloe brought a fluffy white kitten to the house and asked me to name him something in English that started with E. So, I did. Apparently that made him ours. Chloe’s mom said, ‘He is yours. You figure out how to work it out with Joe.’ So, I did. They kept Euro for two weeks while we were off playing in Dordogne and we were to get him when we returned.

Our last full day in Dordogne we went to Lascaux II via Lascaux, a two hour detour. That afternoon we returned to our free municipal parking lot camping spot.

As soon as we got out of the van an itty bitty black kitty came down from a tree and walked up to Joe, smart girl.

She and Joe played for hours while he kept sending me off to find her owner.

Abandoning cats is a national past time here and the sport ramps up during vacation periods. Obviously, we had to keep her, she was itty bitty, all black and fearless. She slept in the camping car with us and we named her Lascaux II, Lascaux for short.

Their initial meeting did not go well. She climbed him like a tree and he sh*t on her new toy (seriously, he did, en plein milieu).

It took weeks to establish who was boss and in the end he won until... the operation. Euro and Joe did not hit it off either because Euro preferred the carpet, tile, Lascaux’s toy and the bed to his box.

So, we rolled up the carpets and Lascaux had a tree to climb

After weeks of kitty litter therapy, Euro was cured and could stay. He had developed other bad habits in his short life but kitty bootcamp cured him.

They are both 5 months old now. Lascaux is the hunter and tree climber. Euro is the prima donna. He purrs when he is held. She purrs when she is playing. They get along well...

especially when playing with scissors.

Things not to do with two new kittens in the house:
1. Take up knitting
2. Start teaching English to children; turn your dining room into a kindergarden classroom
3. Accept your friends 6 beautiful, healthy plants just because she is moving to China

Farewell to our butcher

Sat, 28 Nov 2009 21:29:47 +0100

The first visit was like having a tooth pulled - with a string and a door by your kid brother. The next three were worse. Monsieur Boucher frightened me and after the first time I didn’t go back for 6 months and only then because the other butcher was closed. Joe’s first experience went like this: ‘Pintade, is that like chicken or turkey?’ M. Boucher responded, ‘No, It’s like a pintade.’ People told me he had a ‘special character’. I said he was a grumpy, condescending, mean old man but then discovered the key: rather than step back and take his offhanded, unsolicited advice, it was better to push back. We bonded on the fourth visit. I really did need advice this time and he had plenty. We also talked about the past and future of butchers in Châteauneuf, a dying breed.

The real turning point in our relationship was when the other butcher lied and said the meat I was buying was not suited for my recipe. It was a French recipe. He sheepishly admitted that he didn’t have the amount I needed. From that time I became completely faithful to M. Boucher. He and Joe bonded over grill talk (read that carefully) and we all were very happy until... four weeks ago when he shared that he was retiring, soon. He described his 45 year, 7 day a week schedule that left him little time for rest.

Yesterday, when I asked for turkey, he told me that he didn’t have any but he had chicken and in his opinion chicken is better than turkey. He added that he knew I liked turkey. I couldn’t resist this last opportunity to spar a bit and asked, ‘better taste or better for health?’ He said, ‘taste of course,’ and muttered something about health as he walked into the freezer. He is old school French and taste trumps any other consideration - there really are no other considerations.

Today was his last day. Joe and I went to wish him well and to take him a bottle of Jim Beam Spicy Bourbon Barbecue Sauce.

We will miss him but will always have the...

scroll down at your own risk

...memories.

Girl Talk

Thu, 26 Nov 2009 13:57:36 +0100

Girl talk skills must be used or pressure builds and boys suffer. I found Dedene through her blog. Dedene is American, has been in France 20+ years and is married to a French guy. Dedene and I got together three times in two weeks and logged 20 hours of non-stop English speak. Dedene was making up for lost time (her husband speaks only French) and for the first time I had a girl to talk to who knows life here, life in the US and the differences between the two. I had questions...

Kristi contacted Dedene the same week. Her story is similar to Dedene’s, and she knew another American, Rosie, who has been here for 30+ years and is also married to a French guy. We all met at Dedene’s for lunch and talked non-stop for 6 hours. The next week we had lunch at Rosie’s and beat our 6 hour record.

These woman are fascinating, very American with a French twist. When we are together I feel like the token young (inexperienced) one on ‘The View’. Dedene was in Paris for 10+ years in the corporate world. Rosie taught French at the University level and now runs a B&B. Kristi owned an English book store in Paris, now runs a B&B and has a boyfriend almost half her age, not relative but is impressive and deserves mention. These woman have helped me understand the inexplicable, like... what the rampant lying is all about, the real meaning behind bisous (I knew they weren’t innocent) and they verified my suspicions about what really goes on at the gynecologist’s office.

Joe is happy to be out of the substitute girlfriend role.

Lessons learned...

Tue, 17 Nov 2009 09:45:36 +0100

at the expense of our guests.

#10 - 87 years old guests should be exempt from riding the subway - it’s not the riding but the getting on and off that is tricky (sorry Dad)

#9 - Our ‘jet lag quick recovery strategy’ (tour Versailles the day of arrival) is uncomfortable for adults but can be pure torture for children (sorry Swopes)

#8 - A ‘short’ hike is relative and downhill doesn’t mean easy. Actually, we learned that one already but forgot it. It won’t happen again... (sorry Lainey)

#7 - A stampede of goats is to be avoided (we fortunately avoided this one, but narrowly)

#6 - ‘I love cheese’ is relative (sorry Marie - we should have been paying better attention)

#5 - Marmots are elusive little buggers (sorry Jay)

#4 - While 90% of people will steal if they will not get caught, the percentage increases when the target is cookies left in the dortoir (sorry Jay and Marie)

#3 - The entire TMB does not have cell coverage (sorry Av)

#2 - Having a ‘universal remote’ meant that rather than 5 we had 6 remotes that I couldn’t use to turn on the tv (sorry Brahm - Joe ‘fixed’ it and it really is universal now)

The #1 lesson learned this summer: The Paris metro closes at 1AM.

I knew this at one time when it didn’t matter and then forgot it when it was really important. Christina. Bobby, Melody (14), Abbey (10), Miles (7) and I were at the top of the Eiffel Tower when it occurred to me to be mindful of the time but the thin air kept that thought from evolving into anything productive. We arrived at Trocadero at 12:55, in time to hear an unfamiliar announcement which echoed off of the walls and translated to, ‘You are screwed.’ We returned to the entrance where a metro employee was having a ‘life and death’ texting conversation. She could’t look up and all she could manage to say was ‘twal’ over and over. There was a train that was still running to Etoile, not close to our destination, not in the direction we needed to go but we were more likely to catch the bus or get a taxi near the Arc de Triumph so we took it. First, we stood in line for the bus with people who take the bus at 1AM. There is a dress code and a certain percentage of skin must be showing to ride. We decided to take cabs. Christina and her team took the first taxi. They had the only business card between us and a head start. Our team’s driver had been on the job for three days and had just moved to Paris a few weeks earlier but I knew how to get there so we won. Their driver got lost...

All ended well and we are much smarter hosts now and yet no one has signed up to visit in 2010??? Coincidence or strategy? Seriously, who is coming?

Morocco

Fri, 23 Oct 2009 15:22:42 +0200

When we travel with Joe’s colleagues we try to be good followers and try to blend in... At passport control in Morocco we were pulled out of line as our French friends muttered that they knew we were trouble. We were taken to a woman in a white coat who looked much too eager to inflict pain. After a few questions she concluded that we had been out of the US too long to have the illness formerly known as ‘the swine flu.’

Marrakech was amazing, the sights, the sounds, the smells. It was hard to capture it all with a camera, primarily because the locals would run us down and demand payment for each photo. Casablanca, romantic in the movie, was a little too real in person. It did have a great market where Joe developed his espionage picture taking skills.

We were able to visit a few mosques but most required that you be a card carrying Muslim. There was an entire city that we couldn’t enter as non-Muslims. A refund for the trip was in order but the group, although uncharacteristic of French folk, wasn’t in the mood to faire une grève. Our guide explained that few women go to the mosques as often as the men in spite of strict Muslim prayer rules. The women must tend to the kids and the household but they have an out... There is a slot just large enough for dirhams. One can pay to pray, or pay rather than pray depending on perspective. I wondered if there was an intentions price chart. My last hope for organized religion was shattered in Korea when the Buddhist pay for prayer system was exposed so it was actually comforting to find such commonality (exception - Won Buddhism.)

Meals were great but I clearly lacked adequate table manners. Kids in France are raised with a napkin tucked under both arms so that they keep both wrists on the table at all times. Left hand in the lap - rude, rude, rude. Three reasons: 1. When dining across from enemies a concealed firearm could be used to shoot dead one of them - hands must remain above board (on the table) 2. You are not engaged in the conversation (a crime worse than murder) 3. You are holding hands with someone other than who you arrived with ;-). Every meal I was brought to task. I tried. For two years I have tried and since returning, have employed the napkin exercise and will continue until I develop proper table manners. There is more to tell about Morocco...

We still want visitors but...

Thu, 8 Oct 2009 12:45:54 +0200

now we have My American Market in France! We keep our rattle close but don’t use it as often now. The rule is that if Joe or I start complaining about the challenges of living here we must be holding the rattle. While our whining has been reduced to a minimum we still miss certain things like PAM, Diet Mountain Dew, Dark Chocolate M&M’s, Baking Soda, microwave popcorn, dryer fabric softener sheets, wrinkle releaser spray and our favorite - Charmin To Go Tissue.

Telling visitors that by bringing these items to us they would save space to take gifts home was an effective win-win ploy. We appreciate all of the goodies that were brought, especially the Charmin Freshmates To Go but those days may be over. Below is a link so you can check it out and we would really like to win a gift basket full of PAM so wish us luck!

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